The Saga of the Creepy Bug

So, I was pulling weeds this afternoon, you see, and while I was tirelessly pulling hundreds of wild plants from the dirty soil of the asparagus bed, I noticed that one of the wooden poles supporting the tin roof on the side of the shed was riddled with holes. Upon closer observation, I discovered a system of tunnels that apparently had been previously discovered by a woodpecker of some sort.
Inside one of the holes I saw a small bug peeking out. As soon as it saw me, it started staring angrily and tapping its feet, much as I would do if someone was staring into my window while I was tunneling through my house. I tapped on the walls of its apartment (for no particular reason, of course), left, came back, and saw it doing what I thought at first was washing itself, but as it didn't seem to be paying me any mind even when I tapped its walls, I decided that it must be doing some sort of ritual dance to scare away giants. It must have thought its dance worked when I walked away to continue weeding.
I returned shortly to see it calmly doing whatever bugs do... until it saw me. Immediately, seeing that its dance had not worked, it began screaming and shaking its little bug fists at me. I was a bit taken aback, especially when, after less than a minute, it suddenly seemed to calm down and just stare at me. I at first supposed that it might have gotten used to the fact that I really wasn't leaving, but then I saw its sinister grin. I discerned that it was trying to tell me that it was just as crazy and dangerous as I was.
I left it alone after that.

Paintball and the End of the World: A Facebook Conversation

Travis

Travis + Paintball and/or blob = global chaos and mayhem

But don't ask me why :\

Seymour

do i dare ask? why?

Travis

I think that being in the very presence of such activities negatively alters the fabric of space-time and if I actually participated then the continuum could collapse once and for all...

Seymour

ok, um, i'm not sure how doing the blob and slide and/or paintball could cause that

Travis

That is why it's called "theoretical" physics

*nods emphatically*

What they're doing with genetic engineering

My parents left for their anniversary trip (happy anniversary!), so they left my at my friend Seymour's* house for the weekend. Today Seymour, his mother, brother, dad (for a few minutes), and I went to the Nashville Zoo. It was a very educational experience, especially when I saw a misplaced apostrophe on the zebra sign (second paragraph, fourth line, last word, I think). It says "it's" when it should have said "its". I was shocked, horrified, and slightly offended until the zebras personally apologized; then I calmed down a bit. After the zebras we walked through a bamboo forest. I've decided to cut down all the trees in our yard and plant bamboo instead. I hope my parents don't mind.
A lot of the signs in the zoo had "Vanishing Animal" written on them. Apparently the animals spontaneously vanish into thin air. It's amazing what they're doing with genetic engineering these days.
After the zoo, we went to Whole Foods Market for lunch. I had some delicious lasagna, couscous, a variety of tofu, some strawberries, fried rice, noodles, and some other foods as well. Whole Foods is my favorite store now. (And I don't work there. Really.)
It's been a very good day. I hope my parents have a good trip! :)

*Not his real name. Seriously! :O

About Yourself

I think that information requests like "About Yourself" are far too ambiguous to satisfactorily answer. Do you want to know how old I am (16), what school I go to/have gone to (currently homeschooled), what my hair color is (brown), where I live (the United States), where I work (I don't have a job, and I hope you will let me test your software regardless), or what browser I use (it changes periodically, but currently Mozilla Firefox)? I suggest that you ask more specific questions such as, "Where do you live?" or "What color is your hair?". Perhaps, and this may be a preferable option, you could not ask people about themselves, since I hardly see what that has to do with testing software (though if I'm missing the point you may feel free to enlighten me). Or perhaps nobody reads these "About Yourself" sections anyway, which makes me wonder even more why they would be required. In any case, I do hope that you have a wonderful day and that sitting in a cubicle/office all day is not sapping the life out of you. Perhaps you could take your family (if you have one) to the zoo or beach, or you could sit under a tree on a sunny day and read a book. Perhaps you could even talk to God (if you're so inclined, although I know He'd love to chat and is always ready to listen). In any case, do have a good day, and please give my regards to everyone at your place of employment!
-Travis

Spam

Yes, Yunfei Ebql, I'd love to read your email about "Hideous surgery's victims".
Yes, Wilford B., I'd love a complimentary diabetic meter.
Yes, myself, I'd like to hear about the job you (I) found me.
Yes, Julie whom I do not know and who apparently does not know my name, I'd love to meet tonight. Why don't we go to Cancun; I just won several free trips to there.
Yes, myself, I'd love to get 72% off on a bunch of drugs I don't use.
Yes, Live Jewelery Auctions, I'd love to buy 1 carat diamong rings (live ones, I suppose?) at up to 95% off.
Yes, I'm very grateful to know that the Nintendo Wii that I didn't order is here.
Yes, I'd love to hear about the legitimate online company that needs workers in my area (however you found out where my area was).
Yes, I'd love to confirm the plane ticket I didn't buy.
Yes, M. Vincent, since I haven't replied to my email about finding myself a new job, why don't you tell me about the job that you found me?
Yes, German person, I'd love to hear about something to do with liability insurance that I had to translate to understand what you were talking about.
Yes, I'd love to hear what legal advice you have for my bankruptcy problem.

Now, why on earth are these important emails in my spam folder? :\