Dear Friends and Family,
Merry Christmas!
This year was all right. A few things happened, but approximately 241 days of the year were simply blank spots on the space-time continuum. The other 125 days, however, were filled with fun, excitement, and undergraduate studies.
Linda (Travis's sister) is 21 and has moved to a classified location to continue her studies and become an underground music appreciating superhero. Superheroine? Whatever. Anyway, her goal is to save the world from villainous musicians. She’s already captured a rogue violinist as part of her training.
Travis (me) is now 16. He (I) is (am) making great progress on his time machine invention, but he needs an automatic quantum field oscillator. Also, he thought he won the Nobel Cake Prize, but then found out there wasn’t one.
Mom and Dad escaped, but our search party found them in Florida and immediately returned them. They have trained our chickens to lick envelopes and are now running a profitable pre-sealed envelope business.
Our rock farm was doing well, but in June the rocks started getting scarce, so we moved to an active volcano where rocks grow more quickly. It’s very exciting living right next to a lava flow, and it’s very convenient when you need to cook something. We have had three straw huts burn down already, and it looks like this one is about to catch fire right as I type, so I need to print this letter before the lava completely engulfs the printer.
Be sure to write me (Travis) soon!
TTYL,
Travis (And Mom, Dad, and Linda too I guess)
Posts
Trav, this was utterly brilliant. You did not mention the flowers, though. I thought for sure that you would have...